Damn, where have I been?
Well, it's been a hell of a few busy months. We moved out of the awful neighborhood I hated. So that took approximately forever to search for a house, go through the buying process, pack, and get (mostly) settled in. Actually, it took just a few months. But I did kind of vanish. Anyway, out with the old and in with the new. And I'm going to jump right in.
Amy has turned two. And, as anyone with a two-year-old can tell you, extended periods of senseless screaming can lead even the most rational human being to contemplate murder. (And I am not the most rational human being.) I'm sure this applies doubly so for parents of teens. However, I don't have teens yet. And if this keeps up, I may never know what that particular feeling is like, because I may be locked in a psych ward somewhere just yelling at the walls to "Please let mommy poop in peace!". But, I digress. They make children small and cute and portable in size specifically so you DON'T kill them. Being able to lift her up and move her about, essentially bending her to my will when she is stubborn, is probably the only reason I haven't left her in a supermarket by now. She is a little princess. And I do not mean that in the pretty, sweet, flowery, Disney sort of way. More in the entitled, stubborn, "mine, mine, gimme" way. She pushes my buttons, drags me to the very edge of sanity, and then, just for shits and giggles, throws me over the brink. Yes, I get into screaming matches with a two-year-old. I'm THAT person. But-and this is very important-I do NOT abuse her. Of course, she's so headstrong, careless, and clumsy she's basically got a new bruise and/or scratch every day anyway. So thank goodness my nearest neighbors are an acre away these days right?
Alex is adjusting pretty well. He likes the new school and riding the bus and the two girls I've taken to watching after school a few days a week. More he likes bossing around two girls older than him, but I'm trying to break him of the habit. And trying to get the mousy little creatures to break him of it for me. He is NOT their boss. I am HIS boss. But more on them another time. Most of the time when he's home he's playing video games now that it gets dark so early. I'm trying to break that habit a bit. But it is hard. I've met a couple of his friend's moms and am trying to arrange times to have them play. They play well-like normal kids, not like the kids he played with back in our old neighborhood. The other moms and I watched these three beat eachother up with an air filled bat, steal shoes, and tackle eachother in the grass, all while taking turns doing so and actively trying not to hurt the other kids and not getting all pissed off when they weren't "winning". And not one of them came crying to us. You know, being normal boys. I'm so not used to it. I thoroughly enjoyed that afternoon. Alex still has his attitude issues to an extent along with his inability to understand that I haven't forgotten my answer was "no" just because he asks again three minutes later. But I think the incidents are fewer. Time will tell. Or maybe Amy is just making him look good.
Nick is working his ass off. He's been doing so much overtime you'd think we wouldn't be having trouble paying the bills. Sadly, the bills don't want to let up. It's been quite some time since we've experienced this level of work for this little money left after bills are paid. So I'm with the kids all day and he works more hours. That coupled with the now long commute (almost 2 hours as opposed to 30 minutes) means I don't see him much. And when I do we try to do family things or we have this home to take care of. It is alot of work. I miss my husband. I wish I could say more on the subject of him but I feel like we're distant lately. He wouldn't get that. And I wouldn't bother with an explanation because we'd only fight. Maybe it'll be better after the holidays. After all, it isn't anyone's fault this time. This is just life.
Is it all worth it? Well, my house is beautiful. I'm not surrounded by the hordes of obnoxious hipsters I couldn't bear being around. My kids are essentially happy. And I've even made a few friends here (more on them later). I'm getting outside my comfort zones more comfortably and I feel less constricted by the skin of the old perception of me. It feels like maybe a new start if I just keep hacking at it. Of course, I might also still just snap and have to be hauled away in a white jacket if I have to spend one more long day alone listening to these damned screaming brats. Really, it could go either way.
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